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i lost one of my best friends in august or so. she was treating everyone around her like shit, and i told her i didnt like it, and she said a hearty, "well fuck you," and i said, "very well." i dont mind at all, really. i mean, i knew i was bound to grow detached from my friends but i didn't know she would drag the whole damn town with her, claiming that i am voldemort practically, that i bewitched her into being friends with me or some madness. it's all just madness, truly. what sucks is we work together and i have to see her patrick the star face regularly. i'll give an example. the day of my father's funeral in april she was offended that i didn't want to hang out with her. i just buried my dad, not knowing two weeks prior i would even have to. most of everything is my boyfriend's face and my sadness and this melting pot of him being patient and understanding and loving and beautiful, absolutely beautiful to me when i tell him don't kiss me your breath stinks and don't touch me i'm feeling weak. oh and i got out of the hospital yesterday. i was admitted because i couldn't stop puking/diarrhea/lovely details. come to find out i was severely dehydrated. it took them 48 hours to properly hydrate me and a few hours into my stay i learned that i had colitis and would have to stay for a few more days. my boyfriend stayed with me the entire time, holding my hand, reading george macdonald to me while i was crying, iv jutting out of my arm, cant bend my arm, madness abounding in my head, and he stroked my face and said he knew i would be fine. he got laid off the same day i went into the hospital, and he was consoling me, speaking nothing of himself or his worries, loving me all the time, all the time, and i am the most unworthy and worst recipient of it. previous - next - d |